Learning To Heal – R.D. Cole
“If Fools rush in, than most people in love are idiots. And I’m the biggest one of all.” -Jazz
Meet Jasmine Coleman. She’s the girl that’s outgoing, beautiful, and full of self assurance. A confidence that’s forced to cover the scars she hides. When rushing into love becomes a heartbreaking mistake the last piece of it disappears. Now she is left uncertain, weak, and full of self-disgust. But her strength is needed now more than before. Mason Reed is the quiet computer geek that’s always the friend and never the boyfriend. Putting his social life on hold to help his single mother has left him shy when it comes to the opposite sex. And Meeting Jazz is no different. However being in love makes you do crazy things and his crazy has major consequences. Especially when the truth is revealed to others who are determined to rip them apart.
Rash decisions have major consequences. Some good. Some bad. All are life changing.
“The Truth doesn’t always set you free. Sometimes it breaks you apart and leaves you in pieces.”
My name is Robin and I live in Alabama. I grew up an army brat and traveled a lot until we finally settled down along the Gulf Coast when I was 4. My husband is 9 years younger so I guess that makes me a COUGAR. I have a little girl who is 9 and is blind as well as autistic.
My life is not boring with them two in it. Believe me. I have always loved creating and I would constantly draw on my walls. I love painting and reading. Writing is something I wanted to do but didn’t think I could, until I woke up at three a.m. a few months back and started writing. Life has a way of throwing rocks at you and putting cracks in your soul. Either you can duck and cover or you can make something beautiful from the cracks.
After that, the story took over. Even though some pieces of my life experience are within it, it is Tru and Jax’s story now. I have truly fell in love with this story and hope you all do too.
The memories from two months ago hit me and I lose my smile. So this is the band that has taken over for Benji and Blaire. God, it still seems like yesterday that we were watching them play on that stage. But then I remember Benji’s funeral and Blaire’s rage before she left town and disappeared. I know it happened, but it still sucks. Kids aren’t supposed to die, and Benji was still a kid. Of course he was fucked up, but aren’t we all? I mean look at me. A girl with everything and I hate my scarred chest that has my left breast a little off kilter.
Geez, I’m such a selfish person with my pity party. Benji and Blaire lost each other, Trudy lost her son, and here I am pissed at everyone because of a fucked up boob.
My breath hitches with these constant thoughts running in my head. Mason’s grip tightens around my waist in an embrace, but right now it’s not wanted. My overactive emotions take over and a tear slips down my cheek that I can’t hold back. My throat burns with the yearning to mourn for my friends and even myself, even though I don’t deserve it. This past Halloween night affected us all in some form; Tru losing two friends that were becoming like family, Jaxon watching Tru fall apart—which I know affected him more than he let on, me losing trust in the first guy I ever let see the real me, only for him to throw it back in my face. More tears start falling so I quickly jump up before the ever present water works start. I hate crying in front of people, especially when I know it’s going to be an ugly one.
Ugh! My looks are still on my brain.
Slamming the bathroom door, I collapse on the floor while grief takes over and shakes my body. Not caring if I’m loud, I let go. Everything is hitting me now for some stupid reason that I can’t explain, other than being pregnant. My body feels tense and ready to explode, so I bang my head on the door just to try to alleviate the hurt and rage. I hear knocking and talking in the background but my mind replays everything from Halloween night to the following week after. I hid from almost everyone in that time because I was grieving selfishly for my loss. But nobody I loved or really cared for died. They are all still around. So why can’t I get over my loss?
I’m not sure how much time has passed when the tears stop. I feel tired, so I stand and look at myself in the mirror, hoping beyond everything I won’t see the girl I’ve been staring at for the past two months—the one who I’m disgusted to be. The one who’s stupid enough to fall for a married man. The one who’s still selfish and thinking of all these stupid things instead of worrying about anyone else for once.
I splash water on my face to wash away the salty tears that have mixed in with my mascara. Red angry blotches are everywhere, especially my nose. I look like hell. After I’m done cleaning my face, I listen for any sign that I’m not alone.
Not hearing anyone in the other room and feeling embarrassed for my female showcase of emotions, I debate on hiding for the remainder of the day or seeing if Mason and Ryan are still around. If they left I can’t blame them. I want to run from myself. The latter is the winner so I crack open the door and walk into the living room where I left them. Instead of two people I only see Mason pacing back and forth. His back is turned my way as he runs his hands through his hair and talks to himself. I can’t help but smile. He’s so quirky. I don’t know what I’d do without him. That last thought makes our arrangement come to mind and I can’t help worry about ruining us.
Before I dwell on it too long, he turns and sees me standing there. I’m sure I still look like total shit, and I feel like the word home-wrecker is tattooed on my forehead. Feeling vulnerable without makeup, I look at my bare feet. “Hi” “Hi.” After a few seconds with neither of us speaking he comes close enough I can see his feet come into view.
“Are you okay?”
Keeping my eyes downcast, I concentrate on his Adidas. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” I shrug my shoulders and change the subject. “Where’s Ryan?”
“Um … I told him to leave.”
My head comes up and my eyes widen with surprise, realizing we are alone. And there’s a bed. “Why?”
“Well, after you ran out I explained about Benji and he felt like shit. So I gave him my keys so he could leave. I hope that’s okay. I couldn’t leave you like that. But I can get him to pick me up.” He places his hands in his front pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet nervously.
Something melts in me with his words. He stayed behind while I cried just so I wouldn’t be alone, even when he could go hang with his friends. How many guys would do that? None. Feeling warm, I walk and lay my head on his chest while wrapping my arms around his waist and squeeze him against me. The tears start back up because of his consideration for my well-being and it just can’t be helped. Crap!
Holy hell! Fuck a duck and shit on a goldfish cracker! My fingers grip the blanket beside my naked body as Mason and his gloriously talented tongue continues to attack my wet pussy. Yes! I just said the word I hate, but right now at this very moment that is what it is. A pussy! Even though I had one orgasm already, he is working on number two. Thank you men everywhere who love to do this for a woman. What have I been missing? Why didn’t I ever let myself do this before with Ollie? Oh fuck him. He has nothing on this sexy guy between my thighs.
I feel the same tension in my body that I did a few moments ago start to build. The lapping of his tongue as he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am is addicting.
If death is going to knock on my door, then please let me die after this next orgasm. Biting my lip, my hips thrust up on their own because I have lost all control of my body tonight. My moans even sound sexy to me, like I’m made to do this in life. Maybe I can be a voice over in a porno one day.
“Ahhh!” His finger slowly enters me as he sucks my clit and I lose my shit. My body thrashes against his mouth and I might have possibly ripped some of his hair out. But I can’t care at the moment because I’m once again in sex Heaven as I yell his name until I feel relaxed and like a marshmallow.
“Say it again.” His voice is close and the shift of the mattress causes me to open my eyes.
“Say what?” He’s above me again and the feel of his bare chest against my sweat covered one is glorious. Returning his smile, I run my finger over his full lips and watch as he sucks it into his mouth.
“My name. Say my name again.”
He’s so easy to please. “Mason,” I whisper. “Mason. Please make love to me.”
I feel his shiver or maybe it’s mine. I meant to say fuck me, but I realize that Mason is better than just a fuck. He’s a guy who will devote his whole heart into anything he does and sex is one of them. He’s very thorough and ready to conquer whatever quest he’s on.
Before I know it he’s nestled between my thighs and I feel his mouth on my neck and the head of his dick against my opening. Instead of just diving in, he kisses his way down to my breast before returning to my mouth. Squirming under his weight, I wrap my legs around him, desperate for him to enter me. Torture is the only term I can come up with. He just continues to assault my mouth and breasts affectionately.
“Damn it, Mason. You’re killing me.” My words come out in quick pants because the feel of his teeth scraping across my sensitive nipple is achingly wonderful. He comes up and smiles again before he kisses me heatedly, doing all the things he just performed between my thighs to my mouth. Then he plunges into me and I moan from the feel of him.
Walking around the busy campus with Symone is great. Her happy enthusiasm as I point out every building catches the attention of everyone we pass. I’ve noticed more than one guy watching her and I feel protectiveness toward her even though we’ve only known each other for a short period time. Her excited voice heightens when I point out my fraternity house. Taking her inside I introduce her to a few of the guys, but since I’m really not the most popular guy at the moment we don’t stay too long. After grabbing some lunch we make our way towards the gym.
“So… Who is the lucky girl you’ve been looking for all day?”
I look at Symone who’s walking beside me. “What?”
She shoves my shoulder with hers. “The girl that has you spacing out. Duh! I’m not stupid. Every time we pass a blond you do a double take.”
“I do not.” I’m not ready to talk about Jazz to her yet. Even though she’s totally right. I do keep spacing out when I get to a place that holds memories of the two of us together. Or when I see a blond who’s back is turned my way, even though I heard she dropped out I’m still hoping to see her.
“Whatev’. You totally do. I’ll get it out of you.”
“And how do you plan on doing that?” Playfully I grab her purse off her shoulder and toss it on the ground behind her before I turn and jog away avoiding her attack. When I see wide, sky blue eyes watching me from a distance everything stops; me, noise, movement, my breathing, and my heart. We watch each other like we’re scared animals. She’s more beautiful now than ever with her long hair blowing in the wind and flushed cheeks. For the passed few days I thought about going to her and begging for forgiveness. But I’ve stalled and decided to wait until after Symone flies out in a few days. But it’s been hell not going to her to let her know what happened that night. Why I did what I did. But hell… I’m scared she’ll throw my apology in my face like I deserve. Then my dream of a future with her and the baby will be gone forever. Maybe I should just do it now? What the hell do I have to lose?
Taking a breath I gingerly let my lips form a smile. When she returns it my world feels right again, but before I can get my legs to move in her direction I feel a weight on my back.
“Gotta ya you turd.” Symone laughs as she straddles my back. When Jazz looks from Symone to me I know I’ve lost her. Her eyes widen as I place my sister back on her feet and watch Jazz turns to walk away. “Jazz? Please. Wait. It’s not what you think.” I yell as I close the distance between us. I notice how she’s walking in circles. Like she doesn’t know where to go. “Please Jazz. Wait.” Then my worst fear takes place when her whole body goes limp and she falls to the ground. Shoving people out of my way I run to her side and roll her over feeling relief when I see her chest rise and fall.
“Jazz? Please baby.” Her eyes are open but she’s not focusing or responding to anything I say. I look up and see Tru running out of the building on the phone. Everyone else is watching with mouths wide open. Like this is a fucking circus. “Can anyone fucking help? Call 911.”
Tru sits on the ground and places Jazz’s head in her lap before she pats her cheek gently. “Jazz can you hear me?” She looks up at me. “What happened?”
Before I can answer I’m lifted from the ground and shoved into a tree. Jax is stares at me with nothing but hatred before he bends down to check on Jazz. I straighten before I make my way back to the girl I love and hear the sirens in the background. Jax however stops me before I can reach them. I’m feeling scared for Jazz and angry that this dick is keeping me from her. “Back the fuck off Jax.” I ground off.
“No Mason. You back the fuck off. You’ve done enough and she doesn’t need your shit.” The ambulance arrives and the medics come with a gurney to load Jazz. I follow behind and hurry to pass up Jax, but he once again grabs me. Raising my fist I swing for the first time at one person I’ve always considered a friend. He will not keep me from her. After it connects he spits out blood then attacks. After I’m on the ground he punches me in the face before he’s pulled off. “Stay the fuck away from my sister. You lying piece of shit.” He fights off the arms that hold him away. “No Jax. I will not stay away. Neither you nor anyone on this whole fucking campus is going to keep me away from her. I’m not leaving her again.” I point to the ambulance that is closing the doors. “I’m riding with them. Got it.” Symone is standing besides Tru crying. “Tru can my sister ride with you?” Before I can get an answer I turn toward the ambulance doors. When they ask me if I’m family I tell them yes and she’s carrying my child. Fuck anyone who thinks differently.
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